For someone who thinks so much, I blog very little, and inconsistently. I guess I chalk it up to not enough time, but when it comes down to it, blogging is therapy. I will call it blogapy.
Not that anyone will actually ever read this post, but if they do, they will be participating in a therapy session. It’s so important to get your thoughts out on paper! I don’t know why I forget this so quickly, but I do. It’s important for me to create a log of the things that go on in my head so they have a home. Blogapy provides that.
Here are some things that I need to get out on paper:
I’m tired of living a normal life. What’s so great about normal? I thought it’s what I wanted because my life had been so ABnormal for so long, but it’s overrated. Creatively putting yourself in situations where you risk your reputation, your comfort, and your life is what life is about. For me, it looks like finding ways to minister to people. I consistently feel like a failure because I don’t step out and risk often enough, but when I do, it’s the most fulfilling thing in the world. The other day I prayed for a girl’s foot because she had punctured it with something and it got totally well. Healed!! Amazing!!
Another thing I need to get out is that my life and relationships are not in my hands. I don’t control them and they don’t control me. My Father, who loves me and wants good things for me, has been more than willing and able to handle that task for a long time. I gladly give him that ability after continually taking it back. But I don’t want it. It’s no fun to figure out every detail. Making decisions is a normal part of life, but I am okay with making decisions that make me happy instead of what (I perceive) makes other people happy.
It’s weird to be depended upon. My actions have not been the catalyst of someone else’s very often in my life. As the youngest child, I have had to react to other people’s decisions most of the time. Now, I’m in a situation where my moves are waited upon before other decisions are made. I guess that’s a normal part of a relationship, but it’s very different for me. And uncomfortable. But good. It makes me be intentional. It also means that I have the tendency to analyze my actions on another level and to consider how they affect not only me, but other people in the equation. This seems to have lead to some paralysis via analysis. I don’t like this. If I get too caught up in how others will react to my actions, I don’t do anything and I feel constrained. Not good. So it requires me to be confident in my choices and let others have the freedom to react however they decide to. After all, it’s their decision, not mine to react a certain way.
Wow, blogapy was good today.