In my experience, the heart of a godly woman is tender, sensitive and kind. Men, we must do our part to speak to that heart in the way that heart understands love. It’s one thing to love her like you know how to. It’s another thing to love your woman in the way the she understands love. Recognizing the difference and being willing to adapt is a sign of your maturity and strength.
Being single and male has its perks. We get to focus on our jobs and nobody questions it. We get to live the “bachelor” lifestyle and people expect nothing different. We also get to prepare our lives to one day include a woman in them. For many, this may not seem like a big deal, but it’s more difficult than one might image. I’ve come up with a few things that are also the guy’s job in preparing for a life that may one day include marriage.
It’s the guy’s job to seek out a woman, not who is perfect, but who has been prepared and is being prepared for this moment in time. It’s the guy’s job to discern and hear from God who He says is ready for relationship. It’s the guy’s job to see beyond beauty, beyond intelligence, beyond family, beyond wealth and look at the heart of the woman. This often takes time and patience. She is not one to be handled roughly, but with care and kindness. Her heart must be protected at all cost, her joy sought out, her ways known, her love gained. Why?
Because that’s how Jesus sees his bride, the Church. He woos her ever so gently. He looks beyond all the blemishes and sees past the hurt in her eyes. He knows she doesn’t trust easily because she has been hurt by life. Yet, he pursues. He seeks to know her, but realizes that only she can decide how much she lets Him into her life. She continues to grapple internally with her identity, but He calls her beautiful. He protects her heart by allowing her to come to Him when she is ready, always standing with open arms. He seeks out her joy by whispering kind words in her ear. He learns her ways as He watches as she move to and fro, steady and fleeting, but with a compassionate heart. He gains her love by always being there, by building trust, by finding small ways to make her smile. He loves her so.
Yes, it’s the guy’s job to love a woman as Jesus loves the Church.
Last night I had a great conversation with my brother about many things and one topic that came up was women. The following list is what I gathered from his insight and the insight he’s gained from many people when he was single.
1. Read books that married people read. From what I understand, there are some great pieces of information in those books that actually can help single people understand the opposite sex.
2. Find a girl who meets fifty percent of your ideal woman. Of the remaining 50%, half can be taught and half can be forgiven.
3. Focus on the mundane. If, like me, you’re a deep thinker and a deep conversationalist, you appreciate a similar personality. But marriage isn’t full of deep conversations. It’s about the daily life, the mundane. Find someone who you can be comfortable with in these situations.
4. Every person needs certain things to balance them out. Our friends do that for us a singles. The ideal wife isn’t going to take the place of all those personalities that currently meet our social needs. If she does, you have more problems than you realize. So don’t look for someone to replace those friends. Your friends will still meet most of your social needs, but your wife needs to be a friend, a lover and a confidant.
If you have other pieces of advise, put them in the comments. I’d love to hear your advice.